naoquerofalardesexo
Maria Nicanor

misfit toy

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31 janeiro 2013


Com a vida aprendes que nada dura para sempre; que as feridas abrem, que as mágoas nascem, que se cosem estes golpes ou que os deixamos cicatrizar por si e que, vilmente, o universo conspira para que se abram de novo, e de novo, uma e outra vez. Testam-nos o sorriso, a garra, a força.. quanta dor couber neste perfeito coração. 
E eu, eu não sei quanto mede um coração ou com quanto aguenta.. Dizem que sou artista mas nem sequer sei com quantas cores se pinta amor. Mas tu, tu sabias, pois não houve nunca neste planeta, nem mesmo naqueles em que a vida ainda não foi por suposto reconhecida, coração maior e mais capaz de amar e perdoar e amar outra vez. Custa-me a crer que jamais verei tua tez pálida e as rugas que a velhice não perdoou, das tristezas que o tempo não curou; teu cabelo cor de cal feito da sabedoria e valentia da maré brava que leve, docemente, acaricia a areia e as torna um; teus olhos, que tanto viram, que não mentiam quando dizias ser por amor. 
Lágrimas inundam-me os olhos. Não me verás acabar o secundário nem dizer que faço muito bem em escolher o curso que quero escolher.. Não me vais acabar de ensinar a costurar, nem revelar o truque de como fazer saias de pregas. Não serás, como sempre desejei, a primeira a quem apresentarei um namorado meu, que de imediato aceitarias como sangue do teu sangue desde que eu estivesse feliz. Não irás ler o manuscrito do meu livro e ser a sua única e fiel fã. 
Quero que saibas que sempre te julguei eterna e que esse talvez tenha sido o meu maior erro.. e que, se eu soubesse que a última vez que te teria nos meus braços seria a última, ter-te-ia abraçado e nunca te teria deixado ir. 
Desculpa se não te disse o quanto te amava mais vezes, mas sempre tive medo das palavras e da intensidade com que se ama. Desculpa se não sei cantar como sonhas-te que um de nós faria. 
Como a Sininho uma vez disse ao Peter Pan, "Sabes aquele sítio entre o estar acordado e o estar a dormir? Aquele sítio onde ainda te consegues lembrar dos sonhos? É aí que te vou sempre amar. É aí que vou estar à tua espera". 
Acho que o teu céu precisava de um herói, alguém como tu.
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I have to let you know, if I knew the last time I held you was the last time I would have held you, and never let go. You are such a part of who I am, and doesn't matter how much I need you know, that part will just be void. I guess heaven was needing a hero, somebody just like you.
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28 janeiro 2013


"When so many are lonely, as seem to be lonely, it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone"
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27 janeiro 2013


"And your parents are divorced?"
"Yes, they split when I was two."
"Are they here?"
"My mum is.."
"And your dad isn't? Do you get along with him?"
"No, he's at Disneyland.. We haven't spoke for four months.."
"Disneyland?"
"Yeah, they say it is a magic place.."
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26 janeiro 2013

What hurt me the most was not what you said, it was what I saw in your eyes when you last looked at me. In those giant eyes of pure hazel nut I saw that same expression I saw on your eyes almost three years ago when she died: that you had lost me and there was nothing you could do about it.
And I, I know you like the back of my hands and so I can never imagine myself forgetting that look and how I felt I was dead to you too.
I'm sorry, but I don't regret it, because all I can miss now is my best friend.
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25 janeiro 2013


"Who is him?"
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"The guy texting you.."
"What?! How do you know I'm talking to a guy?"
"Tell me something, is he important to you?"
"How do you know? I asked first."
"I know that smile, those tiny curves you make when you like someone's words.. I once used to be the reason of that smile."
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20 janeiro 2013


I'm putting my hands on fate because if our love is so strong that could move lands and oceans together it will join us again someday, somehow. If you love me so, you can put your heart on hold and move on with your life because there's no time for us right now. And so, I think we have a choice. I think we could take a though but survivle amount of pain now, or stay together and deal with unbearable pain later. So I vote for the pain now.
It's true, when you grow up your heart dies.
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19 janeiro 2013


"I thought our story was epic, you know? You and me."
"Epic how?"
"Spanning years, and continents. Lives ruined and blood shed. Epic. But spring is almost here and we won't see each other at all. And then you'll leave town and then.."
"Come on. Ruined lives? Bloodshed? You really think a relationship should be that hard?"
"No one rights songs about the ones that come easy."
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17 janeiro 2013


"I didn't know you were coming. What are you coming for?"
"What am I coming for?" he repeated, looking straight into her eyes. "You know that I have come to be where you are," he said; "I can't help it."
All the awfulness of the storm seemed to her more splendid now. He had said what her soul longed to hear, though she feared it with her reason.
She made no answer, and in her face he saw conflict. He had spoken courteously, deferentially, yet so firmly, so stubbornly, that for a long while she could make no answer.

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16 janeiro 2013


You're going to be the same as you've always been; with doubts, everlasting dissatisfaction with yourself, vain efforts to amend, and falls, and everlasting expectation of a happiness which you won't get, and which isn't possible for you.
This were the things said to her, but another voice in her heart was telling her that she must not fall under the sway of the past and that one can do anything with oneself.
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14 janeiro 2013


I see you changing girl from day to day, impressed by, and trying to imitate those who are older, those who are colder.. Suddenly embarrassed by your own age, a bigger blessing girl, is being young: the power of not knowing where you belong.
I tried so hard to keep that secret and maybe it was me that made you old, stole that little touch of something, whatever it was that made you glow.
And now a heart once open will be closed.
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13 janeiro 2013


You can never keep it secret; problems, lines on your face, you smooth them out so no one can tell. And with a straight back upon a stage, you dance and hide the tremor in your hands.
I'm watching you know, I see you building a castle with one hand while tearing down another with the other.
And there is a little bit of me inside you.
And there is a little bit of you in everyone.
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11 janeiro 2013


She'll be gone, soon you can have me just for yourself. But do give, just give me today or you will scare me away.
What we built is bigger than the sum of two, but somewhere I lost count of my own and somehow I must find it alone.
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08 janeiro 2013


"Yes, there is something in me hateful, repulsive," she thought, as she came away. "And I don't get on with other people." Pride, they say. No, I have no pride. If I had any pride, I should not have put myself in such a position..
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07 janeiro 2013


She always set to work on it at depressed moments, and now she knitted at it nervously, twitching her fingers and counting the stitches.
All these days she had been alone with herself. She did not want to talk of her sorrow, but with that sorrow in her heart she could not talk of outside matters. She knew that in one way or another she would tell him everything, and she was alternately glad at the thought of speaking freely, and angry at the necessity of speaking about it with him, and of hearing his ready-made phrases of good advice and comfort. 
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06 janeiro 2013


The thing about me is that I'm scared of bright and huge feelings. They have haunted me all my life and ended with nothing but tragedy and misery.
Can you imagine how painful it is to get your heart broken in two thousand pieces over and over again? It tears you apart and still you survive. But, it can't help but changing you along the way, and by that I don't mean that I stopped caring with people, or fearing for them or even loving them less deeply or madly as I always did. I mean, it is different now because I don't always show it to you and it seems like you just can't see it.
Like love is an abstract word, my love is an abstract feeling drawn with colours and silences, perfected by the painter at each step and hidden in that lonely and dark painting. And how complex and obscure it can be! But even tough, pretty as rain in a warm day..
The saddest thing for me to accomplish is that because of this, you can't even notice that I would die and kill for you with no need of thinking twice..
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04 janeiro 2013


He was this handsome boy of eighteen with sunny gold blond hair and she was the person who was the hardest to love and who loved the hardest.
There was no place on Earth where she could ever feel fulfilled without him. No land, no island.
She always used to tell herself that she was doomed  because of it. She would have to get shipped away to some random place on the whole wide universe where love was just a rumor or become a psychopath, not feeling other people's pain, regret, becoming incapable of loving one.
Or maybe, just maybe, he might feel lost without her too.. And above all, this was the foolish thought she ever hoped to be true.

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02 janeiro 2013


Mickey suddenly blushed, not as grown men blush, slightly, without being themselves aware of it, but as boys blush, feeling  that they are ridiculous  through their shyness, and consequently ashamed of it and blushing still more, almost to the point of tears. And it was so strange to see this sensible, manly face in such a childish plight.
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01 janeiro 2013


He made no reply, he merely glanced at her in the looking-glass. In the glance in which their eyes met in the looking-glass, it was clear that they understood one another.
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