Maria Nicanor

misfit toy

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31 julho 2012

It's 3 in the morning and I just watched both movies after almost four years. And somehow I understand that I deserved to be given that nickname. Not that I even look like her, I'm a Carmen if you go that way.
What I wanna say is just that I learned so much from them and I needed to be courageous to give this step in order to give a little bit of rest to my heart.
I'm not making any sense but, after all I'm a BeeTi, if you know what I mean.
2 ♣


29 julho 2012

If you are really reading this like you "gently" tried to show, you should know that this post is for you. No one else. You.
You were kind of right about T., in the end he hurt  me and he's not my shoulder anymore but he didn't hurt me as much as you did. You already know how much you screwed up, how I hate what you did, how I can never ever forgive you that..
But.. I must be a fucking stupid person because I miss you like hell. I miss my friend.
And somehow, I'm starting to understand why you did what you did, not that I agree with it.. I've tried, in these past few months, to forgive you like *they* say I should. I can't. You broke my trust, my heart..
But if I had to chose about the way you told me, I guess I would've liked you not to tell at all. I could really use my old friend and your love.
You can know for sure, even hurt I may say, I will never find someone like you. That's a shame, you know? I loved you more than I loved myself and I could really use a love like that right know. Those loves who have everything to last a lifetime.
0 ♣


23 julho 2012

Strange feeling that..
I missed you M., missed your friendship. I missed your protection, your words.. And even though N. was there, I just felt so lonely, so cold..
You would have noticed before anyone, you know my weaknesses, and you know better than anyone in this whole world how to make it better.
God, I fucking miss your presence in my life.
Do you..?
3 ♣


16 julho 2012

"She wore that dress like it was a Saturday, pretty as a summer rose picked in the morning.. And he held her hand like it was a mystery, one he couldn't quite believe, just walking with him. 
Around and around, dancing around the question, flip a coin and watch it go down into the wishing well.
Two steps unset there goes another day, another chance to give away the secrets to keep to themselves.
They were high up on a hill, something to say, and daylight to kill..
But time slipped away.. 
Darkness falls without a sound,  tumbling down, tumbling after..
Time ticked away.."
0 ♣


09 julho 2012

You are the best damn thing that happened to me. You came right after a lonely summer dealing with the pain of her loss and you were kind enough to put up with me. You have been my company, part of my strength..

I don't know how would I do without you, I wouldn't be as strong as I am now.. What I am trying to say is that you make the world a better place to live in, you make days easier to survive to and you make ME a better person. Plus, you bring me luck (you know what I'm talking about), I hope I can return some of that someday..
I love you Mafs, you are the that one person I think I will never stop to adore.                 
2 ♣


We haven't spoken in weeks. I'm trying to be okay with that.
06 julho 2012

Estou tão farta de procurar por algo.. Uma réstia, uma lembrança, ALGO! Por mais pequeno que seja.. Estou tão farta de andar atrás das migalhas que tu não deixas-te para eu encontrar o caminho de volta. Tão farta de esperar que o monstro se transforme novamente em humano. Tão farta de ser o capacho da madrasta má.

E tu prometes-te, como todos eles.
E tu prometes-te que não serias como todos eles.
E tu prometes-te, my oldest friend, e, como todos eles falhaste.
Não se admirem se, daqui para a frente, quando me fizerem promessas, acabem por levar "um tapa" na cara.
2 ♣


03 julho 2012

S, I wish you were here.
T, I wish you would talk to me.
L, I wish you had not betrayed me.
M, I wish I could forgive you.
R, I wish we could bare the pain to be with each other.

Is it okay to miss you like it was yesterday? 

6 ♣